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Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:52 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:52 pm  

User avatarGreasley wrote:
Greasley User avatar
Strong-running second rower
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2003 11:06 pm
Posts: 476
Location: Out for WALKIES with Bella!!
Member for 19 years
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not. It is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says the wife. "Cant you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ee Ii Ee Ii Ee Ii Oo

On the beer, we will go

When we get all tipsy

This is what we sing

We are Keighley, We are Keighley

Barry is our King!!
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:03 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:03 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
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Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
Member for 16 years
guess who wrote:
Well are you?


No.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:05 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:05 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
Member for 16 years
What did hitler say to his tank commanders before heading off into battle?

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:14 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:14 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
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Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
Member for 16 years
I am laughing so much I'll have to tell myself the punchline.....


Get in the tanks.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:23 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:23 pm  
andrew aspinall User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2007 7:18 pm
Posts: 1594
Location: Behind my meat clever
Member for 15 years
I've got one,































Steve Mcnamara. :lol: :lol:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:24 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:24 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Member for 14 years
Oranges are u taking the pith 8)
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:25 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:25 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Member for 14 years
A lemon says to an orange we need to talk come here and citrus elf down :cry:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:06 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:06 pm  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
Member for 18 years
Not strictly a joke but an observation that I found "funny".

If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95, with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50, £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5, but if you bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £21.40. :DRUNK:

I bet your financial advisor kept that to him/herself.
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:08 pm  

Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:08 pm  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
Member for 18 years
Image
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
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Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:24 pm  

Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:24 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Member for 14 years
West indian in court for thumping his neighbor over the wall.

Judge says did you strike this man in defence.

West indian bloke says no I hit him in de face he fell over de fence :shock:
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