As a former ref myself (last game was as a touch judge on the Underbank vs Nottingham Outlaws Rugby League Conference National elimination match in 2009) I can relate to quite a few of the points the OP makes.
The amount of times, at either local society level or at RFL level, that you see officials getting matches when they clearly aren't good enough for the level that they are at is appalling. When I passed my match officials course in 2002 it was a 2 day course in Leeds. First day theory, second day practical and exam. That was a good amount of time spent as it meant you could go into more depth about things you weren't clear about. I didn't referee a match until the summer in the local service area games (a completely new ref being thrown in with the best players of the local area and expected to be at that level.)
I refereed youth games, open age, Yorkshire vs Lancashire under 16's and even got to referee in Holland twice (through my own efforts and not the RFL or my society.)
There is genuine talent out there, but for some reason the majority end up either stuck at local amatuer level or leave the game completely. A normal week for me when i was refing was 1 game on a saturday, 3 junior games on a sunday, 1 maybe 2 midweek games and you have to fit training and meetings around that. I had a 14 month spell when i had to referee with a constantly pulled hamstring because they were always short of officals. But i still did it because i loved the game.
When i had to finish as a match official (ankles knackered from crap pitches in amatuer leagues) i emailed the RFL with my reasons of why i was finishing and i was invited to have a chat at Carnegie. So i went up and the chat was basically being told that my attitude stunk and that i never tried hard enough. Anyone who ever saw me referee or at training was always surprised by how much time and effort i put into my fitness and pushing myself to improve all the time. I don't think i was good enough to make it to super league but my attitude was never in question to people who had met me.
So I can totally see where the OP has come from with his great insight into what it was like for him as an official. The majority start because of a love for the game, it's amazing to see how few actually leave with their love of the game intact.