Meanwhile in a Parallel Universe : Sat Sep 17, 2016 3:36 pm
SmokeyTA has just finished his first season as Head Coach of Obstinacy Mulers RL Club. Unfortunately, the Mulers have finished last in the league with zero points. Smokey gets a call to go & see the CEO to review the season…..CEO: “Hi Smokey, thanks for coming in. Listen, not such a great season overall was it?”
STA: “Well, that rather depends on your perspective”
CEO: “My perspective is that of CEO of a professional sports club that has just lost every single game of the season”
STA: “Well how many of our games have you watched live?”
CEO: “Unfortunately, every one of them”
STA: “That may well be your problem”
CEO: “Eh…?”
STA: “You see, it’s a well-known fact that watching a game gives little-to-no perspective on the reality of the event”
CEO: “Eh…?”
STA: “For instance, did you know that we made more metres per carry, more tackle busts, more 40:20 kicks, less penalties against, less missed tackles & a higher %age of successful goal kicks than last year?”
CEO: “But we were Champions last year”
STA: “Exactly”
CEO: “OK, you’ve convinced me. Now onto the subject of our hooker…”
STA: “Don’t need one”
CEO: “What?”
STA: “We have the highly successful Wee Jimmy Krankie who is far superior to any ‘normal’ hooker”
CEO: “But he’s 64 years old & anyway his successful years were as a half back. And isn’t a hooker supposed to be able to tackle in the middle?”
STA: “No, not at all. That’s yesterday’s thinking. Everyone else can easily take up the slack. They’re all lazy b**tards anyway”
CEO: “Shouldn’t a hooker be able to pass both ways accurately & with speed?”
STA (stifling a chortle): “You really don’t know too much about RL do you?”
CEO: “Well, is there anything you think we DO need for next season?”
STA: “Glad you asked. OPTA have informed me that our water carriers are 1.7 seconds slower at bringing the water out to the team than last year. I need them replaced. I have had Alf analysing the grass throughout the season, and apparently it is 2.7mm longer on average than last year. I think this has had a huge influence on results. You need to invest in a more accurate mower.”
CEO: “OK Smokey, you seem to have everything under control. Glad we had this little chat”